Did La Roche Posay clear my acne?

I tested La Roche Posay for one week and this is how it went…

Hey everyone, I’m back 🙋🏼‍♀️

I’m sat here absolutely freezing my ta-ta’s off because it’s like -1 degree Celsius in the UK right now. But anyways, over the last week, I’ve been testing a new skincare brand to see if it could help to clear my acne. Throughout my teens, I’ve been pretty lucky with my skin and only used to have the odd breakout or “typical teen” spots. However, I’m now 22 and I’m the spottiest I’ve probably ever been LOL.

I find it absolutely hilarious that I used to literally cake on my makeup as a teen and only remove it with a face wipe *shudders*, but now that I’m 22 and I’ve invested a lot of money in skincare, my skin is worse. Since lockdown I’ve barely worn makeup, so it’s a confusing time that my skin would do me dirty like this.

So, let’s get to the point of this blog… I recently ordered products from La Roche Posay after watching SydAndEll’s video on YouTube about Syd’s skincare journey. In the video, she talks about her skincare issues and how she actually went to a dermatologist who put her on Roaccutane.

In case you’ve never heard of Roaccutane before, it’s a very effective treatment for severe acne. Although it is very good at reducing and getting rid of acne, the side effects (especially for me) put me off. This is because the drug is known to increase anxiety and depression. For someone like me who takes Antidepressants, that’s a big no no.

However, in the video Syd mentioned that the dermatologist recommends using products from La Roche Posay. This is a skincare brand that I’d say is definitely not the cheapest, but is way less expensive than many other skincare brands on the market. So, I decided to put it to the test and ordered direct from their website as they had a 25% discount. These products are also available at Boots (UK) and LookFantastic, so definitely shop around for the best deals.

The products I bought were, the Effaclar Clarifying Lotion (£12.50), the Effaclar Purifying Cleansing Gel (£12.50) and the Hydraphase Intense Eyes because I barely sleep and my undereyes are soooo dark (£16). They also give away three free decent sized samples which I really appreciated.

So, what have I been doing? I found the skincare to be quite intense and as someone who has oily skin but on a lesser scale, I decided to use each product once a day in the evening. I started by washing my face with the foaming face wash and I didn’t really need to use a lot so I reckon the bottle will last me for at least a month.

Next, I’d pour some of the lotion onto a cotton pad, before applying all over my face (apart from under the eyes). Once the lotion had dried, I’d apply my moisturiser. I didn’t want to buy a moisturiser from La Roche Posay as I have a fair few moisturisers that I received for Christmas that I’d rather use up first. After this, I’d apply the eye cream under my eyes.

The only problems that I experienced when using these products were dryness under my nostrils and redness above my top lip, which meant that I just avoided applying the lotion there. Overall, I can definitely see a positive difference in my skin. The size of my spots have reduced and are beginning to fade away. My skin also feels clean and less inflamed. I think the eye cream has worked slightly, but of course to fade away completely, I’d actually have to sleep LOL.

Yes that is a Stranger Things poster LOL

So, do I think La Roche Posay has worked? I actually think it has! I’ve seen a lot of progress in my skin after just a week and expect to see a lot more progress over a longer time period. The brand is pretty inclusive too, offering products for all skin types. I will definitely continue to use the products I’ve bought and will check in to share my progress.

Have you used La Roche Posay before? How did you get on? Let me know in the comments ❤️

What I Loved in January 2020

I think we can all agree that 2021 is not off to the best start and that this lockdown is defo ten times worse than the last two. In the UK right now, it’s dark, cold and the heavens are pissing down either snow or rain. Not good.

If you still have a job like I do, I know that we should be sincerely thankful and of course, we are… but when you’re working full time with nothing to do on the weekends and nothing to look forward to in the foreseeable future, it f*cking sucks.

So anyway, I’m trying my very best not to dwell on the negatives and to try and stay positive about things like good health and online shopping. Which brings me to the point of this blog – the things that I loved this month. My mantra at the moment is 7 Rings by Ariana Grande – “I want it I got it.”

These are all things that have kept me occupied and hopefully things that you might find enjoyable too.

TV & Online Video

In the quest to keep myself occupied, admittedly I have subscribed to almost every online streaming service that there is: Amazon Prime, Netflix, Disney+, Britbox, WWE and Discovery Plus. You can’t blame a girl for being desperate lol.

This month, my favourite thing to watch has been 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, available on Discovery Plus. My mum and I have been binge-watching it nonstop and we’ve absolutely loved it.

The original 90 Day Fiance, which is available on Discovery Plus too, is all about Americans who fall in love with someone who lives outside of the US. However, because obtaining a visa to live in the United States is extremely difficult to get, the easiest way for a non-American to live in the States is through a spousal visa. The spousal visa means that the two people involved have 90 days to get married, which really is no time at all.

The spin-off that my mum and I have been watching, is all about what happens before the 90 days, which involves the American visiting their boyfriend/girlfriend in their home country. I really recommend that you check it out because it is f*cking hilarious. American reality TV just hits different okay.

Over on YouTube, I’ve been binging a lot of true crime videos. I’ve always found true crime to be extremely interesting, especially the ones that are unsolved and have been for a long time. The two channels that I’ve been watching this month are Stephanie Harlowe and Christina Randall. I love watching Stephanie because she honestly must spend months researching each case before she creates a video on it. Christina Randall on the other hand, is someone who actually went to prison as a youngster and has turned her life around. Her opinion on cases and her personality is just brilliant and entertaining to me.

Hotel Chocolate Velvetiser

This is something that I never thought I needed until I had one. Luckily my boyfriend bought the velvetiser for my birthday and I’ve been in love with it ever since. I have the copper one that came with Hotel Chocolat’s hot chocolate selection pack and I must say that the salted caramel flavour is my all time fave.

However, the Hotel Chocolat’s own brand of hot chocolate is pretty expensive to keep buying which is why I’ve been using just regular hot chocolate that you can buy in any supermarket. You just add the powder and the milk and let the velvetiser do its thing. I’ve even chopped up my favourite chocolate bars like Kinder and Terry’s chocolate orange instead of hot chocolate powder too. ✨10/10✨

Bibbidi Bobbidi Candles

This was an Etsy find and I’m so glad that I found it. This brand creates cruelty free, vegan candles/reed diffusers inspired by the scents at Disney World. My favourite scent is the Smell of Main Street, which literally smells like Disney World. I’ve bought this scent in the candle and reed diffuser and will defo be buying more when they run out. I love this brand so much that I’ve gifted them to my friends and family at Christmas, who loved them too!

Night Light Projector

The final thing that I’ve loved this month, is this night light projector from Amazon. I’ve seen lots of people use these on social media, so decided to try one out myself. It projects different colour waves and stars all over your bedroom which is perfect for winding down in the evening. I find it so soothing! It even doubles up as a speaker, but I haven’t used it yet as I think Alexa will get jealous lol.

Sunday Roast | Volume 3

Argghhhh how embarrassing! I only managed to do the Sunday Roast consecutively for 2 weeks (typical Lotty). I hope you can forgive me because I’m back with an absolute banger this week 💔.

This week’s roast is Louis Vuitton. Now usually I love this brand for its beautifully timeless pieces and plan on treating myself to my first LV bag when I get my next promotion. However, this season = 🤮🤮🤮. I was absolutely shooketh when I checked out their latest drop, oh boy!

Firstly, I’d like to say a huge thank you to the designers of LV for providing me with the best content for this week’s Sunday Monday Roast. Now without further ado, let’s dive in.

So the first item on my list, is this gorgeous inflatable monogram canvas gilet. Yes, you heard me INFLATABLE.

Retailing at a reasonable £2510, this gilet is both stylish and a lifesaver. If you ever happen to board a plane/boat that goes down (touch wood it doesn’t), you can be sure to survive in style! However, if you’re a normal person and £2000+ is way over your budget, then perhaps a DIY with the packaging from your next Amazon delivery could suffice.

Ngl, if I saw someone wearing this on the tube, I’d happily “accidentally” pop it.

Next up, I have no words for this.

The designers at Louis Vuitton clearly need a cuddle as they’ve decided to sew teddy bears all over this bag. TEDDY BEARS. Now, these aren’t cute teddy bears made out of 100% cashmere, these are ones that resemble the free gift you get when you buy a packet of PG Tips.

This bag retails at £9400 and I’m struggling to see who the target audience is with this one. Anyone with a spare £10k for a bag that looks like they made it at arts and crafts class has to be a high earner in their 30s. Now if a man ever approached me with a teddy bear collection, I’d be straight out the door.

Finally, you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was a dressing gown, when in fact it is a coat. A CAMEL HAIR COAT. To think that there are people who will actually wear this outside, yet turn their nose up at others for going midnight shopping in pyjamas actually sends me off 😭.

Retailing at £4500, this “coat” is actually sold out and I can see why. Who wouldn’t want a snake dangling down like a penis and a flamingo breastfeeding on their chest?

Are there any brands or anything else in general that you’d like to be Sunday roasted? Let me know down below, as I thoroughly enjoyed this week!

New Year, New Me!

Trigger warning: I’ll be talking about body image, diet and exercise in this blog so if this is something that affects you, please don’t read it ❤️

Hello and welcome back to my blog! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I hope that you are doing well and keeping motivated in 2021 because I certainly am not lol. We’re only on day 18 of 365 and I already cannot be bothered for this year. I’m not sure why I convinced myself that a new year would mean Miss Corona would’ve pissed off, but here we are.

Anyways, today I’m talking about the extremely fun topic of body image. I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I absolutely despise the way my body looks like at the moment. Before the pandemic, my anxiety had me at my slimmest and eating whatever I wanted without gaining any weight (I should’ve known that this would be too good to be true). Fast forward to 2021 and in the UK’s third lockdown, the weight has caught up with me, leaving me feeling as unsexy as ever.

So after a fortnight of whining about it, I’m finally deciding to do something. I literally realised that I have been working from home bed for almost a whole year, meaning that whatever exercise I was getting, either commuting to work or walking down Oxford Street has completely fizzled out into ✨nothing✨. No wonder I’m piling on the lbs and feeling mentally drained, I have the lifestyle of a sloth.

However, I’m not just doing this to get skinny, I’m doing this to improve my mental wellbeing too as exercise boosts Serotonin levels. Now if you’re someone on SSRI’s like me, the more Serotonin the better right? It’s okay if you’ve spent the entire year doing f*ck all like me though, we’re living through a global pandemic! But now is the time to start getting life back on track. So if you’re looking for a sign to get up off of your arse and start feeling better, then this is it. Queue Elle Woods when Warner dumped her motivation NOW.

To help me achieve my goals, I need structure. I need someone telling me what to do, otherwise, I procrastinate like crazy. So, my drill sergeant of choice is Cassey Ho from Blogilates. She is an award-winning fitness instructor, who has been motivating people on her YouTube channel for over a decade. Her channel is full of free workout videos ranging from HIIT workouts to Pop Pilates (working out to Taylor Swift? Yes please!)

To kick start the year, Cassey has launched her 21 Day Tone challenge, challenging her viewers to 21 minutes of exercise for 21 days. Sounds easy enough? I’m going to put it to the test. As I’m writing this, I’ve just completed day 1 and I literally cannot feel my legs. I don’t know about anyone else but lunges are literally the devil’s exercise. I’ll probably have nightmares about day 2 but I know that it’ll be so worth it in the long run.

To supplement all of the exercise that I’ll be doing, I’ll also be cutting out fizzy drinks 😭💔 and trying to eat as healthily as I can (living with two foodies, this will be the worst). So if you’d like to get fit and mentally healthier with me, then tag along as I’ll be checking back in once I’ve completed the 21 days to share my results, both mental and physical.

Sunday Roast | Volume 2

Happy Sunday! I hope this week has been good to you, but with Miss Corona still on the rise, I highly doubt it. This week’s roast is a mixture of some interesting designer items, to say the least…

So, with the chicken roasting in the oven (thanks dad 😍) let’s dive in!

Whilst looking at some items on FarFetch, stop trying to make fetch happen it isn’t going to happen, I stumbled upon these beauties. My first thought was wow, Kim K must be glad she doesn’t have to prance around in this sh*t anymore, pretending it’s ✨fashun✨. My second thought was that if Kanye ever needs some more pennies, then rebranding crocs could be a good way to go.

Retailing at £1264, Kanye’s Foam RNNR “Arat” sneakers are giving me Ratchet from robots vibes. You know, the villain in one of the best kids movies ever?

The futuristic air holes are perfect for people with sweaty feet or those who want to show off their fancy socks for an even slicker vibe. If you have trouble tying laces, then say goodbye to velcro straps as these are slip-ons!

Still browsing FarFetch, this “bag” had me convinced they had started selling french pastries too. Retailing at a reasonable £758, this bag is perfect for those dabbling in French fashun.

Say goodbye to Louis Vuitton, YSL and Chanel because this bag is as French as you possibly could get. Luckily, this bag is made out of leather to avoid any flakiness. This bag is such an inspiration to me because I doubt this little cow could only dream of becoming a croissant when it grew up. See, dreams can come true!

Sticking on the theme of bags, I found some rather interesting ones from Bottega Veneta that made me question the brand’s muse…

This beauty retails at £1605 (right in my price budget!) and I can’t help but see the resemblance of a vagina, bum hole or a lifetime smoker’s lips (vogues of course)…

The last item, and another interesting design from Bottega, is the Leather Loops Clutch, retailing at a very reasonable £3700. Almost two month’s wages! I’d happily not eat for two months in order to buy this beauty that resembles my pubes after a month. ✨Dreamy✨

Made entirely out of lambskin (I think I’d prefer my lambs for Sunday roast or roaming fields tbh), this bag is complete with no inner lining. Perfect for carrying your spillables, or odd lipstick that always seems to lose its lid!

Are there any brands or anything else in general that you’d like to be Sunday roasted? Let me know down below, as I thoroughly enjoyed this week!

Feeling Crap About Yourself? Don’t!

Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to bash anyone mentioned in this blog. All of these women are beautiful and these are images that I have found on the internet that show how these women still have societal “flaws.”

Hello everyone! Today I’m back with an important topic that I think a LOT of us can relate to, and this is the topic of low self-esteem and not feeling “good enough.” Be warned, it’s a long one! You may want to grab a coffee, tea or G&T (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere).

Since the pandemic began a year ago, we’ve been spending more time at home than ever before. Our social lives are non-existent and we’re no longer doing the activities that make us feel good, such as going to the gym (I can’t relate) or going out to brunch with the girls (I can relate). 

Due to this, our self-esteem is probably the lowest it’s ever been as we’ve said goodbye to makeup and hello to pyjamas all day every day, because what is the point? For some of us, the eyelashes and acrylics that used to make us feel good are gone, leaving us feeling totally vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a scary feeling and in my opinion, is worsened by social media. Since being in lockdown, I’ve become a slave to my phone, constantly scrolling through Instagram, looking at images of people who are “perfect” and hating myself for not being like that.

Why don’t they have big pores like me?

Why do I have cellulite and they don’t?

The list is endless.

No matter how many DIY “glow ups” I’ve had or products I’ve bought, I’m always left feeling unsatisfied. It was only through relentless googling, that my eyes were opened to the world of “secret” transformations. I mean, you can tell who has had the obvious boob job or butt lift, but when it came to the unobvious – let’s just say my unchiseled jaw was on the ground.

I was amazed at the minor tweaks that even some of my girl crushes have had done and what they used to look like. Which made me realise… Instagram is deceptive and it’s time to stop letting it dominate my life and my insecurities. Now I’m not saying to delete the app forever but to just look at it through a different lens. Although these women are beautiful, they are still beautifully flawed like you and me.

This is why I have decided to search the web and see what these celebrities used to look like before surgery or without filters to remind you (and mostly me) that your flaws are NORMAL and not to hate yourself for them. So without further ado…


Skin Texture

Blackheads, big pores, acne, redness, the list goes on. Behind the airbrushing, celebrities share the same skin demons as us all.

Cellulite & Stretch Marks

Cellulite is the term for the formation of lumps and dimples in the skin, also referred to as “cottage cheese” or “orange peel.” It actually affects 80-90% of women, which means it’s more common than you think! I for one have cellulite now at an “average weight” and still had it when I was underweight.

I first started to experience stretch marks at around 12 years old. My “friends” at the time would laugh at me and call me fat when actually, it was the result of rapid growth aka puberty. Stretch marks can also appear through losing/gaining weight quickly and will commonly appear after pregnancy.

It’s estimated that around 50-90% of women have stretch marks of some type, even famous people, so it really is nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s a part of life!

“Glow Ups”

There’s no better feeling than taking care of yourself. Whether it’s emotionally or physically, we all glow up in different ways and it feels great. However, when it comes to famous people, their glow ups are a LOT different and will sometimes leave us feeling unsatisfied that our glow ups haven’t turned out the same way. But why?

So, there’s a woman on YouTube called Lorry Hill and I have been binge-watching her videos all about plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures. She’s really fab because she’s a plastic surgery positive channel, who simply “lifts the veil” on these procedures by showing that the beauty we desire is attainable.

Now I’m not promoting surgery and whether you do want to alter your face is up to you, but it is interesting to see the subtle and often unnoticeable procedures behind a celebrity’s glow up.

Take Kylie Jenner, for example.

By just looking at her, I’d guess that she may have altered her nose and had lip fillers. But in Lorry’s video, she highlights the fact that, although Kylie has denied having plastic surgery, these are the procedures she believes Kylie has possibly had done:

  • Lateral brow lift with cheek raising
  • Blepharoplasty & lower blepharoplasty
  • Chin shaved upwards
  • Jawline liposuction, filler & botox
  • Buccal fat removal
  • Ears pinned back
  • A potential nose job
  • Cheek & Chin filler
  • Lip filler

Another popular celebrity that Lorry has created a video on, is Bella Hadid.

If I hadn’t have seen pictures of her when she was younger, I would’ve presumed she was just naturally blessed. However, again, Bella denies rumours about having any plastic surgery done. So these are the procedures that Lorry believes she could’ve had done:

  • Nose job
  • Upper blepharoplasty
  • Lateral brow lift
  • Buccal fat removal
  • Mid-face lift
  • Jaw reduction
  • Lip filler

It’s crazy to think that the women that we admire on social media could have the same flaws as us, or at least did have before they altered their appearance. With the millions of filters available and Facetune skills that are sometimes undetectable, especially when we’re not feeling our best, it’s so easy to get caught up believing in a “perfection” that just doesn’t exist.

If there’s one thing that you can take away from this blog and I really hope that you do, it’s that you change the way that you look at social media. Yes, Kylie Jenner’s latest Instagram picture looks like she was hand-carved by the Gods; but remember that she also has textured skin, cellulite and has probably surgically enhanced her appearance.

Just because you can’t see these flaws on your screen, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist and it doesn’t mean that you’re not just as beautiful because you have these flaws. We’re all beautifully flawed and even more vulnerable during these difficult times, so please don’t let this desire to be “perfect” take over.

Sunday Roast | Series 1

Hello everyone! After a short hiatus and a few breakdowns about the direction of this blog, I’m back! I think we can all agree that 2020 was a sh*t year and had many of us questioning wtf we’re actually doing with our lives.

Anyways, I was recently doing some internet browsing when I came across the ugliest effing shoes I have ever seen in my life. When I thought that Balenciaga couldn’t get any worse, they did. Which is why I have decided to introduce a new weekly series called, ✨ Sunday Roast ✨

In the UK it’s a tradition (or at least it is in my family) to have a roast dinner every Sunday. Which got me thinking, why not make it a new weekly tradition on my blog, as I have a lot to roast about.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s dive in.

So, Balenciaga is a notorious brand for creating some of the most outrageous and in my opinion, the most hideous fashion pieces the world has ever seen. So when I stumbled across these “sneakers,” I couldn’t help but spit out my caramel latte in disgust. I really don’t think you’re ready for this…

Retailing at a reasonable £895, the High Toe sock sneakers are the perfect staple for your wardrobe! With the huge popularity of their sock sneakers (which I don’t hate too much), the designers at Balenciaga have decided that we’ve been missing a high-heeled sneaker in our collection.

These sneakers are the perfect balance of gym at 7pm, drinks at 9pm. The individual toe placements just scream comfort, whilst the high heels boast all of the right sexy vibes. They also come in a gorgeous shocking pink for my gals who were born to stand out!

For those of us with money, but want to remain discreet about it, the Balenciaga logo is subtly etched onto the sole of the shoe. They are nearly sold out on Net-a-Porter, so if you have FOMO, then I suggest buying these ASAP.

Not into the high-heeled sneaker trend? Then I have just the right pair of sneakers for you!

The Tyrex panelled faux-leather and mesh trainers, retailing at a reasonable £650, are the epitome of stunning.

The square toes give us all the vibes of the witches’ toe-less feet from Roald Dahl’s “The Witches.” This movie used to terrify me as a kid but if you don’t mind being mistaken for a witch, then more power to ya!

Unlike the first pair of “sneakers,” these have more of a discreet heel for my gals and guys who need a little bit of height, whilst remaining trendy. Sadly these sneakers are also nearly sold out and hopefully, they won’t be issuing a re-release anytime soon x

The last pair of shoes from Balenciaga that I’m Sunday roasting are these gorgeous wellies. Living in the UK, you can never be more prepared for the dramatic changes in weather, which is why these trendy wellies are sheer perfection.

Retailing at £695, these shoes are even labelled as “rainboot,” to avoid confusion with any of your other shoes. I don’t know about you, but I think all shoes should be labelled like this as I’m always mistaking my slippers with my sneakers. Absolutely genius!

The one thing that gets me though, is that the toe box comes to a point! Perfect for my gals and guys with extra-long middle toes. Inclusion at it’s finest right here. We love to see it 💖. Sadly, I won’t be able to hop onto this trend but I’m sure they’ll come out with something perfect for my tootsies soon.

Are there any brands or anything else in general that you’d like to be Sunday roasted? Let me know down below, as I thoroughly enjoyed this week!

How I Keep My Anxiety Under Control (Most of the Time)

Welcome back to my thought bubble 🙋🏼‍♀️!

Following on from my other blogs about my experience with crappy mental health and taking Antidepressants, I thought I’d talk about how I cope with things. Despite my struggles, my life is pretty full whack and even though this condition can be debilitating sometimes, I still (somehow) manage to hold down a full-time job and a social life.

Like I discussed in my last blog, Antidepressants definitely play a key role in how I cope in my everyday life. However, I know that this option may not be for everyone,which is why I’ve come up with a list of (definitely laughable) things I like to do that also help me to cope. Everyone is different and not as immature as I am, so take with it what you will.

FYI, I’m not a Doctor nor am I claiming to be, so please don’t sue me! Thanks 😘 x


Having Distractions

Sometimes, being in your own head can get too much, which is why I use distractions everyday. They can be absolutely anything. For me, I probably play The Sims 4 an unhealthy amount but it works and I could play it for hours. Days even. Another way I like to take my mind off of things is watching TV shows and films. Shamefully, I’ll admit that I have every single subscription service there is (even WWE) and usually rewatch my favourite stuff over and over again. Stranger Things, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and Desperate Housewives are my personal faves.

When I’m travelling into work, it can be hard to distract myself on the busy trains as there are literally hundreds of people right up in my grill. An essential if you travel every day is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. You literally cannot hear a thing and if you close your eyes, you could very much be safe at home. I should probably get nose plugs too if they’re a thing because the stench of sweat and bad breath on the Central Line is far from homely.

I like to change things up a bit so I usually switch between a good podcast and music. If you love Desperate Housewives then you should definitely check out the Desperate Housedykes podcast. I’m not a lesbian but these girls have me howling. Also, My Dad Wrote a Porno is one that my boyfriend and I are loving at the moment and I can honestly say, we’ve never laughed so much in our lives.


Make Sure You’re Eating

This one may seem pretty foolproof but as someone who lost over two stone from this illness, it definitely works. Now I’m not saying you should be healthy AF because I’m far from a “clean eater,” but by not eating, having low blood sugar levels actually makes your anxiety worse. You can read the science of it here and tbh it’s actually pretty interesting. 

As I had no appetite and was not eating at all, I started off by eating my favourite foods. This basically includes a lot of sweets and a LOT of carbs. By doing this, I slowly started to get my appetite back and am now back to eating regular meals. One thing I learned from this was to keep eating and fight the “sick to your stomach” feeling as once I’d eaten, the feeling was less intense and I rarely suffer with it anymore.


Caring for Something Other than Yourself

Now this one is down to your personal situation and I’m not telling you to go wild and buy a puppy, but caring for something other than myself has been really beneficial for me. In my case, I have two hamsters called Doris and Winston. Although caring for hamsters may seem trivial, there’s actually a lot more to their care that even I didn’t realise. For me, caring for these little fluff balls has been really therapeutic as I know that they’re counting on me to keep them alive.

Now I know everyone’s situation may be different, whether it be financial or your home circumstances, but even something as small as caring for a plant may help you as my hamsters have helped me.


Talking to Others About It

I believe really strongly in the saying that, “a problem shared is a problem halved.” Just by speaking to someone about what you’re going through can help to take the weight off of your shoulders for a bit. Through my GP, I was able to see a free therapist which I do think helped. Even though I only saw her once a week for eight weeks, it created a safe space for me to say how I really felt without being judged.

However, in my opinion, I do think it’s important to only use counselling as and when you need it, as becoming reliant on your therapist is not a stable way to deal with your problems (unless you’re absolutely minted and can pay privately for it). I used my sessions to learn how to deal and to cope with any problems that I had in the future. My last session was in April and as I know I have a really difficult time coming up, I will probably apply for another block of eight sessions for some much-needed extra support.


Keeping a Journal

Now I’m not telling you to go Bridget Jones style, but keeping a mood journal is really beneficial to understand your mental health and triggers. I used to keep my mood journal on my phone, as and when I needed it. So for example, if I was on a train and could feel a panic attack coming on, I would write down how I’m feeling and what could possibly be triggering it. This is also a very useful thing to do if you’re seeing a therapist as it’s easy to forget how you felt every day for a week.



Just do it! I’m not sponsored by Nike and the only bit of merch I wear is a pair of battered Air Force Ones, but I generally deal with my anxiety by “just doing it.” For me, sometimes the anxiety about doing something can be worse than the thing itself. I don’t want to live in fear and miss out on some of the most important years of my life because I was scared.

If I just do it and I have a panic attack, then I can leave the situation. If I just do it and I’m sick, then so what, I’ve seen lots of people being sick in public before. I know what I’m saying is easier said than done, but when you push yourself, you can achieve something truly amazing.

Like what you read? Check out my other blogs!

Taking Antidepressants Doesn’t Make You Weak

Trigger Warning: I discuss my experience with crappy mental health and I also talk about suicidal thoughts.

Hello, me again! 🙋🏼‍♀️

As if talking about mental health wasn’t fun enough last week; this week I’m talking about yet another taboo subject – antidepressants. When hearing that someone is taking antidepressants, the mind instantly jumps to Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted.

People suddenly think you’re crazy or you’re weak, which is f*cking hilarious to me. As someone who’s been taking antidepressants for almost two years now, I’d like to point out that I’m not weak and I’m only a little bit crazy. In fact, with 70.9 million people prescribed antidepressants in the UK in 2018, I think you’ll find that many people you know are taking them. So why is there this huge stigma around them?

When I was 12 years old, I was prescribed the contraceptive pill. Not because I was a massive whore but because my periods were extremely heavy and painful.

Sorry for the insight into my womb but I promise there’s a point here. Anyway, at 12 years old I was taking Rigevidon. The side effects of this pill include, fatal blood clots, kidney failure and my good old friend, depression. The fact that I was prescribed this pill and willingly carried on taking it until I was 19 years old BLOWS MY MIND. 

Despite the horrendous side effects, society tells women that “it’s normal” to take the contraceptive pill or that “it’s our responsibility” to so that we don’t get pregnant. So WHY is it such a taboo to take Antidepressants to treat mental illness?

Now the reason why I take Antidepressants is to treat Generalised Anxiety Disorder. In 2019, I was at a point in my life where the anxiety was too much to handle and I ultimately wanted to kill myself. Not because I wanted to die, but because I couldn’t cope with dealing with this disorder anymore. I remember when the doctor asked me if I was suicidal and I replied, “I love my life. I want to have an amazing career, a family and to experience everything I possibly can… but I can’t carry on living like this.” And so, I was prescribed my first box of Sertraline.

As is with everything, one size certainly doesn’t fit all. I know people who have tried lots of different Antidepressants and Sertraline didn’t work for them. But luckily for me, it did. For the first few weeks, I experienced a few side effects including fatigue, nausea and losing the ability to focus. As your body gets used to the medication, this is perfectly normal. You may have heard the phrase, “It may get worse before it gets better,” well this is definitely the case with Antidepressants.

After a few months of ups and downs, I eventually got to a place that before now, I could only dream of. The anxiety was manageable and I definitely didn’t want to die. In the end, despite the hardships with my mental health, 2019 was a brilliant year for me. In my working life, I passed my apprenticeship with the highest grades in my class, earned a promotion and now work at one of the biggest advertising specialists in the UK.

In my personal life, I was back to being the sarcastic, sassy friend who definitely drinks way too much and I was back to doing normal things like shopping and going on holiday to Ibiza. I know for a fact that none of this would have been possible without the help of Antidepressants. Despite this disorder that I will no doubt suffer with for the rest of my life, they have genuinely helped me to get my life back on track.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, “Well that’s great but you can’t be on Antidepressants for the rest of your life” – which isn’t true. If you have Diabetes, you take Insulin. If you have Asthma, you receive treatment for it, the list goes on. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that our lungs and pancreas are organs and so is our BRAIN. The one organ that remembers so much information, yet we forget that it sometimes needs treatment too.

However long you decide to treat your brain with Antidepressants depends on you and your Doctor, not society’s opinions. For me personally, I was only meant to be taking them for around 6 months until I started therapy. However, life got in the way as it always does and two years on, I’m still taking them. The reason why I haven’t stopped taking them yet is very complicated and I can’t actually discuss it online yet (exclusive content coming soon guyz 😘 ✌🏻). I could be taking them for many years to come, but that doesn’t make me weak and any less of a person than people may judge me as.

I hope that this week’s rambling has helped you in some way. Whether you take Antidepressants or not, I wanted to remind you that suffering with crappy mental health is not a taboo and is nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re suffering with mental health issues and this is potentially an option for you, I hope that by being frank and honest about my experiences, I can help you through your recovery journey.

If pills aren’t your thing, then stay tuned for next week’s blog where I’ll be discussing how I’ve learned to deal with anxiety.

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My Personal Experience With Bad Mental Health

Trigger Warning: I discuss my experience with crappy mental health and I also mention weight loss and sickness in this blog.

Okay, so I know I’m a bit late for World Mental Health Day. You know, the one day each year where we tell everyone to “treat each other with kindness” and share some aesthetically pleasing posts on social media, before we forget and resume normal life until next year? Yeah, that one. Well, I’m posting this today because caring about mental health shouldn’t be treated as a novelty like World Biscuit Day.

Crappy mental health doesn’t come around once a year like Christmas, it happens every minute of every single day. I know this because it’s something that has affected me for almost two years now. So get ready for it… Yes, you guessed it. I’m yet another person talking about my struggles with anxiety on the internet.

The easiest way I can describe suffering with poor mental health, is like you’re constantly carrying a person on your back. Now unless you’re Hulk Hogan, you usually have to put that person down after a few minutes. But in this case, the person is holding onto you tight and you’re unable to put them down. No matter the amount of pain you’re experiencing carrying the weight of this person on your back, you’ll never put them down. The person on your back is a humanisation of poor mental health.

Although you’ll carry this person on your back for the rest of your life, there are ways that you can make it easier. You can either get stronger and become Hulk Hogan, you can ease the pain by taking pain relief or you can share this weight with others. In my case, I did all three. 

Before I started to experience the symptoms, I want to point out that I was someone who used to think that someone having a panic attack was just them being over-dramatic and that you couldn’t possibly feel that distressed about a situation so small.

So I knew something was wrong back in March 2018. Working in London, getting trains and braving the Central Line had become a daily ritual that I did with ease. Until one day, I thought I was going to puke. The feeling completely overwhelmed me and the thought of throwing up all over the carriage terrified me. I can only describe this feeling as the way your body feels before you actually throw up. Hot, dizzy and nauseous. But anyway, I persevered and continued my usual journey into work.

Once I was in the office, the feeling didn’t disappear and things only got worse at the end of the day when I had to get back on the train again. The nauseating feeling followed me the whole way home.

So, long story short. This cycle continued and progressively got worse. I was completely dreading going to work, I was carrying Tesco carrier bags in my handbag in case I was sick and I was popping travel sickness tablets like there was no tomorrow. At lunchtimes, I would be completely repulsed by the thought of eating and gave it up all together. I’d convinced myself that food was making me sick and I’d be better off without it. As a result, I lost a lot of weight during this time. I didn’t tell anyone about what I was going through because I didn’t even know what I was going through.

The turning point, however, came when I went on a trip to Amsterdam that I’d been planning for months. I was buzzing and not just about trying the weed. I somehow managed to get through the train journey there through sheer excitement and a couple of sickness tablets. But once I got there and realised my dream hotel was in the middle of nowhere and I’d be faced with tram journeys everywhere, I completely lost it. 

This is how it went:

  1. The Sex Museum: I left this place in a complete mess and not just because I sat on the giant penis sculpture.
  2. The Ice Bar: This place was pretty crap but I love cocktails. However, we went for 10 minutes before I needed to go back to the hotel again.
  3. Canal Boat Ride: You can’t go to Amsterdam without a boat ride along the famous canals and somehow I managed to “sail through” this excursion.
  4. The Red Light District: I’m not even going to lie but this was the place I was the most looking forward to. However, it must’ve been insulting to the women looking like I was going to throw up at their door.
  5. The Anne Frank House: I really wanted to see this historic place but had to leave within ten minutes as I was crying my eyes out, feeling like I was going to puke on her poor bed.

So, yeah. Amsterdam went pretty well. (I thought I’d insert this little excerpt of my trip for some much needed humour).

Anyway, back to the story. Once I was home, there was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I was getting back on the train to work again, so I called my boss and told her exactly what I’d been secretly going through for the last few months. Even though we have a strong relationship, I was still terrified about what she’d say and whether she’d believe me. But she did. Looking back now, I wish I’d just been honest as I’d have been able to overcome this much quicker.

Once I’d gotten her approval for a few days off, I went to an appointment with my GP. I know this is a scary place for anything that isn’t a physical illness but I needed help right away. So I just did it and I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Now, unless you’re a serious risk to yourself or others, there’s not a lot that they can do in this one appointment alone. Which is why I was referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and offered my first packet of antidepressants or “happy pills” as I like to call them.

Happy pills have a huge stigma around them, like they’re a weakness or something. But the way I see it is that you’d take insulin for Diabetes so why wouldn’t you take a drug designed to help your brain, which is also an organ? So I took them and after a few initial side effects, they gradually began to help me to live a normal life again.

(As this blog is hella long I’m going to be writing another all about my experience with antidepressants and tools I use to cope with anxiety so stay tuned.)

Almost two years later and through sharing my mental health problems with those close to me and as well as taking the happy pills and regular visits with my GP, I’m almost the person I was before. I say “almost” because I’m coming back to the metaphor in paragraph three about carrying a person on your back. 

Even after all this time has passed, I still carry the person on my back. But it’s a lot easier now. By sharing the weight with my friends and family and by taking pain relief, I sometimes forget they are there. Some days, it’s a struggle to carry the weight of them but I’m gradually getting stronger and stronger everyday. I’m practically Hulk Hogan now.


I hope that if you are reading this, you never have to experience what I have been through but if you do, that you follow my advice and seek help straight away as it can change your life. Stay strong and remember to treat others with kindness every day as you don’t have a clue what they’re going through.

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